Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Men's Friendships

From my womanly perspective: most men relate to each other primarily extra-emotionally (outside their emotions). You rarely see men sit down and parse through their feelings together. Men are act-ors- they DO things. They play sports, discuss literature, make music...

portait of William Bulter Yeats, John Singer Sargent

"My male friendships are usually formed on shared interests and projects: be it pursuing women, work, music, the faith, whatever... I am usually not intimate with my male friends. That said, in a secular-ish society, one of the most revealing and intimate things you can do with someone is pray, and whenever I've prayed with my male friends, it's been a little bit uncomfortable and pretty powerful. Male friendships also tend to have a significant undercurrent of competition, envy, and resentment. Even if God had not created women, men would find something to fight over. In Helen's absence, any minor insult could have launched the thousand ships." -a baller male friend of mine


  1. I disagree about with this post. Sure, men don't "parse about their feelings," but non-expression does not mean non-existence. I agree with baller, friendships are based on shared interests. This applies for men as well as women. However, I'm happy to discuss these interests or engage in them, it's not extra-emotional. Friendships require an emotional response both to the shared interests and to the presence of the other. I enjoy being with my friends, I miss them when they are gone, I am saddened by their misfortune.

  2. Joser, I do agree with the points you have made, but I do believe Maria is pointing to an overall difference, where women are more than happy to set up time for tea or coffee when it involves sharing experiences, focusing on emotional responses. I'm not a biology major, but I do know that this is a chemical difference between men and women. Yes, men definitely have to find a way to relate to other men beyond hunting, soccer, football, airsoft, but would you find two guys sitting down to chat about "life" on a regular basis, as a primary form of communication?

  3. Jose, I think your position doesn't necessarily exclude mine. Perhaps I should have been more clear- men are not emotionless automatons. They have feelings too! What I will re-assert, however, is that men's friendships are not so rooted in common emotional experiences as in "shared interests and projects."

  4. I'm not entirely sure how I came across this blog, but it is really fantastic. As a college student myself (and one who has recently begun to both recognize and attempt to escape our modern 'ideal' of the male-female relationship) I'd love to hear more of your thoughts-- and maybe contribute a few of my own, comment-style.

    Will you two ever begin to post again, or has it shut down completely?